Thursday, 24 July 2014

Where's your girlfriend? A Stay at Home Mum Hell Beast ate her.

Relationships are hard work. Compromising everyday between work, fun, your family, their family, your needs, his needs, housework and this unbearable heat. Throw a toddler in the mix and things just get harder. I am lucky and privileged to be able to be a) a mother and b) a Stay at home mum... but sometimes it is all consuming and what we once were is yet a distant memory.

Pre-baby my partner would have come home to an energetic, enthusiastic, bright eyed and bushy tailed girl wearing something flattering, hair fully done and face decorated with make up. Even post baby he would have come home to me exhausted ... but still resembling the girl he once knew. In the middle of toddler Hell my partner can arrive home to find me utterly drained.

You see...

I will have been up since 5am, I will have cleaned the house from top to bottom wearing tracksuit rags covered in peanut butter, shampoo and snot. I will have been shusshhing a screeching toddler and running around the house after them taking lethal items out of their sticky paws. I will have been frantically washing up during the hour he sleeps. I will have been looking, whilst rushing about, at all the things wrong around the house that I simply don't have time to do. I will catch myself in the mirror and see I'm not the weight I once was, I should put on a tiny bit of make up because I look horrible but I simply don't have time. I will have gone to the park in the blistering heat worrying the whole time about sunburn and realising half way up the hill I had forgotten the fucking ball. I will have got home in time to make a lunch and spend half an hour desperately trying to feed it to said Toddler. Then it will be time to think about dinner, but I am missing one vital ingredient so I'm back out with toddler to the shop, and I'm back and cooking. And all I have eaten is bits off his plate and half cups of cold tea. Then I'm watching some dreadful loud, children's program and the toddler is climbing over my head and won't sit still for a single minute. Then I'm getting the bath ready and organising his evening snack and reading him a story and then the door....

Hello darling.....

He arrives home to a frumpy, sweating, dark (bag under) eyed, lifeless, limp, exhausted shell of a woman covered in mashed potato, calpol and talcum powder. And then of course all of the annoyances of the day? Well - obviously they're his fault.

But they aren't his fault - and we are still those excited love birds we once were, those birds are just hidden ... under the snot, and dribble, and talcum powder, and mashed potato and peanut butter and teething granules and poop! I still love you so - and I'm still your girlfriend, I'm just afraid a stay at home mum Hell beast ate me.

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